apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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