As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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