he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
