You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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