if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
