Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
