It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
