so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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