Define "chronic" masturbator.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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