she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
