dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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