I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
