He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
