So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
