It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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