Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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