his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Randomize