If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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