I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
