dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
