Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Watching her eat just hurts me
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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