Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize