Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize