Just cropdusted the office
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
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