just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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