Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
