look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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