just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
operation harelip BJ is a go
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
