yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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