I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Someone came in the potted fern
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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