dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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