does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
