I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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