don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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