I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I could make wine with my vomit
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
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