So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize
