pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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