he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
