walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize