I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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