This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Rumble strips road head = magical
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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