so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
