could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
