And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
