My room smells like vodka and shame
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
