Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
