11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
We're too hungover to prance.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
