i just wanna soil my oats bro
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
