the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
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