all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
