I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
