Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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