sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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