I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
