I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
