I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
