upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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