awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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