So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
