So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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