so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
