he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
