woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
When did angry sex become our thing?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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