i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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