My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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