I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
