You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
