Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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