The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
