Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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