I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize