is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I need to calm my uterus...
Couch. On fire.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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