I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
