Where is the hickey?
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
