I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Sorry my hands just texted you
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize