is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
