You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
