i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
