margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
