I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
cat food counts as protein by the way
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Randomize
