She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Randomize
