Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
