Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I want to have your abortion
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize