I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
