it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
