I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
