Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
