Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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