please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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