Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
