he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize