Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Randomize
