The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
