I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Randomize
