Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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