We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Randomize
