Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Randomize
