Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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