I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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