he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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