farters have to be the big spoon...
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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